Those Words from A Parent Which Helped Me as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You're not in a good spot. You require some help. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up among men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a few days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."