Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's leading comedians devoted their airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas tune about the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that allows overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" option for $5 million. The program's portal pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One note here to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also meant to "get cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, with large payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings during economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to discuss prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.