🔗 Share this article

This period marks a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” entered the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Realness – For Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {