🔗 Share this article Balancing my Desire for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin seeing any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners once more. Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections as fixed. What you need in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating intimacy issues.